As every good businessman knows, Singapore is the place to set up a new company or your Southeast Asian hub. The problem is that we’re a small market, so we’re not that lucrative if you’re selling a product or even a service – unless you’re selling ghostbusting services.
But wait! you cry. There are so many bomohs and religious leaders here, surely someone would be able to take down whatever is haunting you. That’s true to some extent, but if there’s something strange in the neighbourhood, who you gonna call? Russell Lee?
So here’s my informal proposal for getting the Ghostbusters to come to Singapore. Maybe “Ghostbusters 2” will be shot in Singapore!
1. Everyone has seen/heard/smelt a ghost before.
Our ghost population density is one of the highest in the world. Seriously. Do you know anyone who hasn’t had a ghostly encounter before? Don’t pee on trees because things live inside them. Every other toilet has had some sort of hair pulling supernatural shenanigans there. Ghostly white ladies roam the roads hailing taxis (or do they just Grab Taxi now and then no show?). The Ghostbusters will have a field day handling just one night’s worth of ghosts.
2. Marbles in the HDB block
I predict that the most steady income stream they’ll have will be from those wretched marbles in the HDB blocks. Yes, we all know it’s due to the pipes contracting and expanding but you’re secretly imagining pale ghostly children playing with marbles in between the walls right? Everyone will think the same way, and before long the Ghostbusters will have an SOP for this and will farm out this sort of ghostbusting to Thor Chris Hemsworth Kevin the himbo.
3. Their high-tech equipment will win the government’s hearts and money
They are effectively carrying giant nuclear reactors in their backpacks, along with mini-super computers, and that will please so many stat boards and ministries. So there’s SMART Nation, who will use them as the poster boys for coding, computing, and DIY inventions. They’ll be able to claim so much from PIC grants because one Proton Pack can do the work of 10 bomohs. And finally, the Science Centre confirm plus chop will hold an exhibition on their equipment. So much of their business costs are settled already that their revenue will effectively become profit.
4. Niche market for Western ghosts
Have you seen the ghosts in “Ghostbusters?” They are translucent slimy floating things that seem more akin to colourful pee sai than long-haired wraiths dead-set on vengeance (dead set, geddit geddit?). Honestly, I’d be more scared of seeing a real life Slimer than meeting a pontianak, because I really wouldn’t know if salt or holy water or my Yang Qi will be enough to fend him off, and I doubt the nearest priest would either. So the Ghostbusters would specialise in destroying ang moh ghosts like this, and conquer the niche market for Western ghosts. Plus expatriates have deeper pockets, so they can charge more.
5. They’ll fit right in the multicultural society
Unlike the Ghostbusters, Singapore is naturally multicultural, with different races everywhere you look. The Ghostbusters stick out wherever they go because they are very obviously trying to be a multicultural, all-inclusive group. But here in Singapore, nobody will bat an eyelid. They can take all the wefies they want and we’ll just think they’re regular folk. So no problems with assimilation there!
Do you think the Ghostbusters would succeed here? Send us your business proposals soon and maybe we’ll set up a ghostly containment unit soon!
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