Director: Robert Schwentke
Writer: Evan Spiliotopoulos, with screenplay credits for Joe Shrapnel and Anna Waterhouse
Cast: Henry Golding (Snake Eyes), Andrew Koji (Tomisaburo “Tommy” Arashikage/Storm Shadow). Úrsula Corberó (Ana DeCobray/Baroness), Samara Weaving (Major O’Hara / Scarlett)
Rating: 2.1/5
Snake Eyes is supposed to be cool, silent, deadly. I mean, that’s the whole appeal of his character, isn’t it? That’s why he’s popular enough to get his own GI Joe movie. And while yes, I understand how he probably wasn’t born cool, silent, and deadly, this origin story completely misses the point of why people like the character and ends up being rather generic.
Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins (also known as just Snake Eyes) is an action movie with superhero elements about its title character. It reveals the origin of the deadly G.I. Joe ninja Snake Eyes, from the tragic circumstances of his family to how he learnt to be the brooding ninja we all know today. In the film, the nameless character is recruited into a powerful and secretive Arashikage ninja clan. But when a dangerous enemy threatens the world using an ancient artifact, it’s up to Snake Eyes and his allies to stop him.
I’m not entirely sure if this was the point of the movie, but I was highly entertained by what is the most multiracial ninja clan that I’ve ever seen on film. It’s great to be inclusive and all, and it does make for an unspoken but plausible reason as to why they would so readily accept Snake Eyes (even though they put him through admission trials, it’s clear that they still love him around). But it absolutely does not make sense why any organisation as secretive or insular as the Arashikage clan would have such a strong diversity policy that it clearly does. My suspension of disbelief broke every time I saw the full clan on screen.
Besides the rather unique ninja clan, the rest of the movie is some of the most formulaic and generic action cinema I’ve ever seen. Take away the names and the scenes could mostly pass for… any ninja action movie, really. It’s billed as a superhero movie, but there’s little that’s super about it. It’s a very predictable story with a very predictable character with predictable action sequences that don’t leave a strong impression at all.
The action sequences, which are presumably the highlight of the film (and any ninja movie, I’d imagine), are edited to the Moon and back. It’s like the stunt coordinator and the video editor and the director had some sort of squabble and realized that the scenes they shot were unusable, so they had to salvage whatever they could and create this generically edited mass of fight scenes. It feels so manufactured that I swear they could have bought it off some stock video site. Why? Did nobody know that audiences want to watch Snake Eyes fight in a way that only Snake Eyes can?
That’s the other thing about the film. Snake Eyes is meant to be every boy’s heroic fantasy ideal, but Henry Golding rarely comes close to pulling it off. He broods but doesn’t seem to take it too seriously, and it seems like it’s a struggle for him to act. The miscasting is so severe that it’s what brings down the whole film. Golding is a nice guy and I’m sure he excels in other roles, but not this one.
Then there’s the abrupt inclusion of G.I. Joe and Cobra. They had to come in at some point, but I certainly didn’t expect them to be jammed in so hard and so unexpectedly. It comes out nowhere, and it feels like someone bought a script for another vengeful ninja movie, then inserted the G.I. Joe sequences to tie it back to the main franchise. I don’t even know why Snake Eyes joins G.I. Joe at the end, nor does it seem believable that Storm Shadow would join Cobra at the end. It all feels so badly stitched together.
Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins is the movie I was excited to see but disappointed to actually watch. It feels like the producers didn’t really understand what they were making or what audiences wanted, and ends up being uber generic. If the G.I. Joe Origins franchise is to survive, it definitely has to do better. Or maybe feature Cobra Commander.
This is an original article on marcusgohmarcusgoh.com.
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I’m an independent scriptwriter who’s written for popular shows like Lion Mums, Crimewatch, Police & Thief, and Incredible Tales. I’m also a Transformers enthusiast and avid pop culture scholar. You can find me on social media as Optimarcus and on my site.
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