So if you’ve caught “Bad Moms,” you’ll notice that they are distinctly American moms, what with their bake sales, PTA meetings, and marijuana hijinks. You can’t really identify with them because apart from having offspring, they’re pretty different from a Singaporean mum. I mean, they even spell “mum” differently. Try spelling “mom” in Singapore and you’ll lose one mark in your compo.
What makes a Singaporean mum then? It’s not just a matter of making sure that your newborn has Singaporean citizenship and a future pink IC. It’s much more complicated than that. There are clear, definite signs that you’ve become a Singapore mum — and we’re here to tell you all the symptoms.
1. You have OG, Metro, BHG, Isetan, Takashimaya, Robinsons, and John Little membership cards
Gone are the days when you’d head down for the latest Zara sale. Now, when someone says “MANGO,” you think of going down to Mustafa Centre to get Kesar mangoes instead of buying more trendy tops from that clothes shop. You have cards from every departmental store possible, and your phone is constantly abuzz with SMS blasts announcing their next 20% off sale, so much so that you actually wait until the sale before you buy anything.
The only thing that gets you more excited than a 20% sale is a 30% sale or a 20% + 10% sale (which works out to a 28% discount by the way).
2. You get nervous when everything is quiet
Kids are, by definition, noisy. Even when they’re quiet, they’re making lots of noise, like dropping things or scribbling loudly. It’s only when they’re fascinated by something that they’ll be truly quiet. So when you have peaceful silence, you know there’s something wrong. What could possibly fascinate them so much and be safe at the same time? Something disastrous, that’s what.
That’s also the reason why mums find it hard to fall asleep. Silence is unnatural to them.
3. Your first response to any stray kid is “Where’s your mummy?”
When you start attending children’s classes, parties, and other events, you know that an unsupervised child means a frantic mother is in the vicinity. After all, you’ve had many surges of panic when your child was not within 10 seconds of your reach. So your immediate instinct on seeing a stray child is to ask them where their mummy is. Firstly, it’s the mother’s creed. Secondly, you don’t want that kid getting hurt because nobody was watching.
You’re a mum to everyone else’s kids too.
4. You can explain the latest PSLE, O-Level, and A-Level changes.
Unless you’re a parent or student, it is humanly impossible to keep up with every syllabus or format change that happens in Singapore, especially since it’s almost on a yearly basis. There’s always some tweak to the exam component, or some difference in how grades are being tabulated. And these are always forecasts — meaning that there’ll be a change, but it’s in 2021, so some kids aren’t affected, but future kids will be. There are dates, subjects, marks, components, marking rubrics, and grade bands to remember for each change.
Only a mum can keep track of it all. And teachers.
5. Kiasuparents, The Asian Parent, Young Parents, and any magazine/site with the word “parent” in it is now your favourite reading material
With so many things to keep track of, it’s imperative that you have several resources that help you keep track of everything that’s going in the parenting scene. You have to know about education, insurance, healthcare (avoid HFMD zones), clothing, entertainment, and what to feed your child. So you default to reading about parenting in your free time, since you might as well maximise your leisure time.
Plus, knowing other mums suffer too makes it a little bit easier to bear.
So if you’re a mum, do you have all the signs of being a true blue Singaporean mum?
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