Should you watch this at weekday movie ticket prices? No.
Should you watch this for free? No.
Secret ending? During the credits.
Running time: 105 minutes (~1.75 hours)
“Aloha” is a romantic dramedy about a defense worker who discovers that a plan to launch a broadcast satellite might not be as straightforward as it first seems. It features a star-studded cast of Bradley Cooper (Brian Gilcrest), Emma Stone (Captain Allison Ng), Rachel McAdams (Tracy Woodside), Bill Muray (Carson Welch), John Krasinski (John “Woody” Woodside), Danny McBride (Colonel “Fingers” Lacy), and Alec Baldwin (General Dixon). It is rated PG-13.
“Aloha” is an insipid, long-winded film that manages to be both bloated with unnecessary information while lacking in critical exposition to help with your understanding of the plot. What makes this movie so infuriating is that it packs a pretty good cast and passable directing, but is hobbled by an utterly inane script. It’s a dreary, 105-minute plod that beats around the bush and never stops reminding you that this is set in Hawaii.
Highlights
Gorgeous cast
You’ve got Emma Stone and Rachel McAdams on one side, Bradley Cooper and John Krasinski on the other, and Alec Baldwin for the classic finish. All of them are not only capable and seasoned actors, but also serve to make this dreary waste of a movie much more watchable with their good looks and charm. Unfortunately, your eyes are probably the only organ that will appreciate this movie.
Letdowns
Unclear exposition
You don’t ever really know what’s happening. From the beginning, it’s unclear and undefined what exactly Brian does for a living. He seems to be a soldier, but then his knowledge of computer programming doesn’t seem to match that, and even synopses and descriptions can’t really pin down what exactly his job function is. The motivations for the various characters are unclear, they jump from emotion to emotion with no real impetus or reason, and vital explanations are just glossed over for the sake of getting to the next ostensibly romantic scene. This cripples the storytelling and leaves audiences confused as to what they should be looking out for, and why they should be rooting for the protagonists.
Too many divergences from the main plot
It’s one thing to build a solid background for the characters, but another to keep on going on pointless tangents that don’t seem to relate to the main story of the film. The characters go off on random seemingly philosophical exchanges that yes, solidifies their back story, but doesn’t add anything to your enjoyment of the film. It’s this tendency to wander off into side plots that makes this film seem so stuffed and bloated — a good quarter of this film could have been cut for a tighter, stronger story.
Tiresome romances
The love story between Ng (who looks nothing like any “Ng” I’ve met) and Brian feels shoehorned and overly sentimental. They don’t make a strong enough connection to plausibly account for their romantic feelings for each other, but that’s what the core of the film is about. It’s not a matter of chemistry, but that their situations simply don’t warrant an actual love story that is as grand and epic as the music, camera angles and kisses would have you believe. It comes off as a dreary, mandatory love story rather than the sweet romance you’d expect.
No emotional resonance for the characters
While they may be good actors, the problem is that the movie is a chronological sequence of events, rather than a proper narrative with a plot that builds upon itself to provide a satisfying story. You don’t get that emotional resonance, that connection with any of the characters, that would make you root for the protagonists and rejoice in the downfall of the antagonists. And without this emotional stirring, you’re left with a bunch of pretty images and no story.
“Aloha” is one of the most awful movies to have been produced this year, with barely any merits as a film. It’s a terrible waste of a good cast who could have gone on to do more worthwhile projects, and an abomination to any screen that it’s screened upon.
“Aloha” opens in cinemas 4 June, 2015 (Thursday).
This review was also posted on Yahoo.
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