[Movies] 6 more dumb reasons not to watch ‘Beauty and the Beast’

Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast Facebook Page)
Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast Facebook Page)

So by now you should have heard/read about the big fuss over the “gay scenes” in “Beauty and the Beast”. Do you know how gay LeFou is?

Clawhauser from "Zootopia" (Zootopia Facebook Page)
Clawhauser from “Zootopia” (Zootopia Facebook Page)

Do you remember how gay Clawhauser was from “Zootopia”? In the sense that Clawhauser exhibited several feminine traits and lacked some masculine traits? That’s how openly gay LeFou is.

It’s pretty ridiculous how people who have not watched the show are openly deriding it for its gay scenes. When I watched it with a female companion, both of us thought that LeFou was ambiguous (in that he might or might not be gay) until the very end, where a short and subtle shot reveals his happiness at his circumstances. Mind you, these are circumstances occurring in a public setting that is perfectly normal.

There’s mention of the legendary “gay scene”, but for the life of me, I can’t tell which scene that would be. Is it because he doesn’t swing his arms in a manly way? Is it because he does not have a female love interest? Is it because he’s loyal to his male friend Gaston, to the extent that he is willing to go to any lengths to help Gaston woo Belle (and thus destroy any chance he might have had with Gaston, since he is supposedly so gay)?

I can’t fathom how abysmally asinine this whole issue is. Plus, it’s never addressed in the film, so why are so many people behaving like the film is “Beauty and the Beast and LeFou’s Coming Out Party”? The main reason people know that LeFou is gay is because it’s in the news, not because it’s in the film.

And that makes a huge difference.

So, well, let’s find more inane reasons not to watch “Beauty and the Beast”.

Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast Facebook Page)
Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast Facebook Page)

1. Belle is into bestiality because she’s literally in love with a Beast

Belle doesn’t seem to have any romantic inklings to any male humans in her town. But when it comes to the big, hairy, animalistic beast, she’s… well, they fall in love, right?

However, we don’t get to see how exactly she behaves with a human prince after he transforms back. She seems more interested in talking to all the people who were formerly furniture. We don’t even know if, well, she has the same feelings to Beast.

And why would she? If your lover went for plastic surgery and looked completely different, wouldn’t that affect how you felt for them?

Therefore, Belle must be into bestiality.

2. “Tale As Old As Time” has a gay verse

Do you remember this verse from “Tale As Old As Time”

Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly

This is, of course, clearly a reference to anal penetration. You know, that trope when a male prisoner bends over in the shower, and then the unspeakable happens? With the inclusion of LeFou in the remake, it is crystal clear that this is what that verse refers to.

So we should never play that song in any context, anywhere, forever and ever.

Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast Facebook Page)
Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast Facebook Page)

3. It is okay to pour boiling water on people

In the climax, Gaston leads the villagers in an attack on Beast’s castle. While it’s pretty hilarious to see how the talking furniture fights off the villagers, there’s one particularly horrifying moment when Mrs Potts attacks.

She fills up with boiling water (you can see the steam), then jumps onto an inanimate chandelier and pours boiling water down on the villagers.

I don’t know about you, but I think pouring boiling water on anyone is going to pretty much result in terrible scars and third degree burns. Plus, it’s made explicit that she’s full of boiling water. The villagers may heal from bruises and blunt force trauma, but burns? Burns are going to leave a nasty, nasty scar. And I don’t think they had skin grafts back then.

Mrs Potts sets such a memorable example of pouring hot water down the faces of her opponents that every kid is going to try and copy it and we will soon have an epidemic of burn victims.

Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast Facebook Page)
Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast Facebook Page)

4. Beast wears make-up

In flashbacks, Beast, in his Prince form, holds spectacular parties.

And he wears make-up.

We all know that men don’t wear make-up, so this will set a terrible, terrible example for boys. They will all be clamouring to wear lipstick and foundation to parties. And so this will inadvertently increase sales for Sephora, so it might actually be a good thing since it’ll boost our economy.

But still, make-up on men? Pffft.

Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast Facebook Page)
Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast Facebook Page)

5. When you take revenge, implicate as many innocent people as possible

So the reason why Beast and friends are inhuman (not Inhumans, no Terrigen Mists here) is because one person pissed off an evil sorceress – Beast himself. So the sorceress should really just be punishing Beast alone, but nope. She curses his entire housekeeping staff, although they’re innocent.

Therefore, if someone in your class/office pisses you off, you should burn down the whole place. That’s the moral of the tale after all – cause as much collateral damage as possible when you take revenge.

6. Slavery rocks and your job defines you

In the song “Be Our Guest”, there’s this verse:

Life is so unnerving
For a servant who’s not serving
He’s not whole without a soul to wait upon

From these lines, we can infer two things – that if you’re a servant (or in the service industry), you’re incomplete without a customer that you can satisfy the whims and fancies of. And that it is okay to use the word “servant” in this politically correct day and age even though many people are quibbling about LeFou.

Then there’s the other part where your job defines you, and if you can’t do your job, you suck.

So remember everyone, you are what you work as, and it’s okay to have servants!

Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast Facebook Page)
Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast Facebook Page)

“Beauty and the Beast” is not a perfect film – far from it. But if you’re not giving it a chance just because people who have not watched it are outraged by a male character who does not fully espouse masculine traits all the time, it’s a huge pity.

 

Marcus Goh is a Singapore television scriptwriter, having written for Police & Thief, Incredible Tales, Crimewatch, and Point of Entry. He’s also a Transformers enthusiast and avid pop culture scholar. You can find him on social media as Optimarcus and on his site.

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